"Ok clear your desks, it's time for a pop quiz. Everybody gets one sheet of paper. Bobby Strohecker, pass them out."
"I didn't say there'd be a lot of talking, did I? Kim Mudge? Did I say everybody 'start talk, talk, talking?'"
"Yes, you have a question Mindy, go ahead.?"
"Well, we didn't know about any pop quiz."
"That's what the pop means, Mindy. Pop. pop, pop, it means surprise, surprise, surprise."
"Pop doesn't mean surprise, it means like, pop goes the weasel."
(all the kids laugh)
"Oh, very funny. I beg to differ with you, Jennifer, I looked it up last night because I knew you would ask that. What, your dad is an educational law expert at the college, now you think you are, too?"
"But it isn't fair."
"Hey, my dear students, life isn't fair. Any more talking from this point on, I take your paper and you get a zero. First question. Oh, by the way, I have 20-20 vision. Any looking at your neighbor's paper results in a zero not only on this pop quiz but the next one, too."
"That's not fair, what's this pop quiz have to do with the next pop quiz?"
"What did I just say? Will somebody please repeat what I just said, for Wendy, who was obviously not listening!"
"Life isn't fair?"
"Very good, Patricia. Now here we go, first question..."
I always enjoyed reading the pop quiz questions aloud. That really got them.
Well, dear readers, it's time for a Phillies pop quiz!
Okay, clear your desks. First question...
1. The Phillies payroll is pricey for a stinko club — 2015 salary obligations at this point — $132 million. In comparison, the World Champion Cardinals? $97 million; Word Series upstart KC? $56 million; big spending Yankees? $180 million; Dodgers fat wallet? $202 million; and our cross-state rivals? $32 million.
Pop quiz question one: What in the above paragraph will provide you with a reasonable answer for why AJ Burnett jumped from the Phillies to the Pirates, while taking a $4.25 million personal loss. Think hard now, don't make a mistake.
2. The old guys are sucking up the payroll.
Pop quiz question two: Name one player on the Phillies who could bring several outstanding YOUNGER players and at the same time, reduce payroll $96 million — which the club could never do short of signing over the franchise to Kim Jong un.
3. Still in love with the old guys.
Pop quiz question three: What could have been the first major clue for Junior to realize the glory days were over. The 89 loss 2013 season? Or the 89 loss 2014 season?
4. The team HAS to make some deals.
Pop quiz question four: Which of the following players would you trade first? Jonathan Papelbon, Antonio Bastardo, or Dominic Brown?
5. No movement except signing more has-been's.
Pop quiz question five: (be careful, this one's tricky): With the Phillies recent signing of the following minor league players, in 2015, which one has the best chance of hitting .300? Chase d'Ardaud, Xavier Paul, Andres Blanco, Russ Canzler, Brian Bogusevic, or Jeff Francoeur?
Comments to: Philly@ron-costello.com